I’ve been grieving hard this week, alternating between anger, sadness, restlessness and vegetation.
This weekend is sadder than the whole week of shiva. Today I feel like my mom is dead and gone. Really, really dead and really, really gone.
Just heard Stevie Nicks singing Landslide and broke down crying while driving to get my hair cut. Mom liked that song and wasn’t that much older than Stevie Nicks.
I see the pain in my face
Yet I see her too
Calling Social Security and my mom’s bank is actually therapeutic, in that I get to make it real that my mom died, which just feels so unreal.
Had my first good cry since my mom died. In the bottom of her handbag, I found a brand new white coin purse with plenty of coins in it, but I also found this old leather coin purse I made for my mom when I was seven years old. It had only two coins in it, and she didn’t need it in her handbag, but she kept it in there anyway. It — I — meant that much to her.