My first colonoscopy — I am a baby senior — and no polyps. Can you believe NO POLYPS‽ I am amazed. I was all ready to name them: Paul, Philip, Polly…

This milestone was easier than I had been told it would be, yet slightly disappointing. The pineapple flavored Nulytely was surprisingly palatable, and though the purging made my butt sore, I did lose two pounds! I must say, though, that after 27 years of interpreting colonoscopies, I was profoundly disappointed to learn that I did not have to fart before they sent me home. Yeah, they changed the gas they use before it was my turn! Here I spend two-and-a-half decades looking forward to loudly and proudly releasing a medically necessary fart only to be told I would not be called upon to do so. Progress!

Published in January 2019 after being written in November 2017.

Image credit: Wikimedia Commons